Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Suck It Up!

I am doing this whole, trying to let my feelings out, thing. It is something I have been trying to do for a long time. You see, I prefer to keep my emotions in and ponder for a long period of time. Once I am finished pondering I seem to forget all about what was wrong anyway. Well, it turns out this whole “pondering” thing is actually called “bottling up your emotions” which is not a particularly emotionally healthy thing to do. I am just so good at it though! I am not saying that things don’t bother me, but rather, I tend to not be outwardly upset. When I do feel the need to cry it is generally at inopportune times, so I suck it up.

Last week as I was headed to the airport to pick up my parents I was quite upset about something entirely ridiculous. You see, I was having a boo-hoo-my-life moment. You have them- right? Basically, I heard some good news about a wonderful person and rather than being happy for the person I decided to think about how “bad” I have it and how “good” they have it. My emotions were having a field day and these strange drops started coming out of my eyes- it was insane! I have so many friends who say they cry all the time, I grew up with a mom and a sister who were not afraid to shed some tears, but for some reason this is not something that happens often in my world. I have no mockery of those who cry (well, I did once and that was not nice), I am actually jealous- it seems like a perfectly wonderful way to get some icky feeling out. Anyway, I was crying and feeling incredibly sorry for myself- it seemed so right and I had quite a good case for myself as to why my life was so hard. Then it happened- I was in line to get on the freeway and waiting on the side was a homeless man. Shoot! What a way to get dragged out of your pity party! I mean, maybe I should try having emotional breakdowns in the comfort and privacy of my own home. At least then I would only have to deal with little orphans. Well, crap! I can’t get a break! You see it occurred to me that I have it way better than most people in the world. The mere fact that I was born in America gives me a one-up on a large portion of the world. I have a home, a family, a car….so much more than I actually need. I have friends and those who love and care for me- how many people are alone? Before I go too far, I think you get it- right? We are incredibly blessed. This is not to say that I don’t or shouldn’t allow myself to ever feel bad, but rather I should not stay there. There is nothing but bitterness and anger in that place. What did I do- you ask? Well, I sucked it up and stopped crying. Don’t worry, more than a few tears and even a little snot had escaped before I cut it off.

Just a cute picture of Sadie- if she is not a blessing I don't know what is.

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